Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
