how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
