I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
