No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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