You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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