Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
