By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
