I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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