you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
