So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
