pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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