Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
