so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
