Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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