Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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