The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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