after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
