He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
