i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
