I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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