forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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