my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
