New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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