They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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