The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
