What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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