I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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