Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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