So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
