At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
