mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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