I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
