I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
