just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am spending my child support on dildos
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
