there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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