that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
