3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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