Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
