Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
