Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
