sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
