so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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