I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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