Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
