i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
