College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
