On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
