tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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