i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ladies don't puke and tell
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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