my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
