Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
