suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
