Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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