Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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