So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
