He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Randomize
