she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
