Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
