Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I checked into jail on foursquare
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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