I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
