Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
