Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
