I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
