Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
