I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it because I queefed?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
