Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
