Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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