hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize